Just the other day, Johnny and I had an argument. We disagreed very strongly about how to handle a certain issue with Isabelle that came up. The blessing in the very uncomfortable experience was that I got to look at myself and see how I was showing up in a way that only perpetuated the issue and certainly wasn’t being helpful.
Sometimes the truth hurts, doesn’t it? Especially the truth about ourselves. I really LOVE being right… but damn, when I see my responsibility in a situation, it really triggers me and is VERY humbling.
AND, it’s empowering. Because by seeing myself as responsible for my experience (NOT blaming myself), I am then able to do something about it and create a different and hopefully a better experience.
Since my foibles and screw-ups are an opportunity for learning for not only myself but others, I ask you this: are you willing to see yourself as the source and the co-creator of your experiences?
Take a good look at yourself.
Here is the second step in alleviating the “Curse of the Good Girl” that is a block to women and girls owning their power and speaking their Truth.
Step #1 is in this article.
Step #2 Know thyself.
Ask yourself these 6 inquiries right now (and if you want to really go deep, get out your journal and write the answers to these questions as real and as raw as you can):
1. Were there certain emotions that were discouraged or considered off-limits in your childhood home? What were they?
2. When you were growing up, what was your family’s attitude toward vulnerable emotions like sadness, embarrassment, guilt or fear? Was toughness or keeping a “stiff upper lip” a coping mechanism for emotional or physical pain?
3. What was your childhood family’s attitude toward the emotions associated with conflict? For instance, was anger freely expressed?
4. How often do you share your feelings, especially the most challenging ones? If you tend to keep your feelings to yourself, why? Where did you learn how to do that?
5. How does the pressure on women to be caregivers (selfless, kind, nurturing, etc) influence the range of emotions you express?
6. Do you question, minimize or degrade your emotions? Do you advise yourself not to “make a big deal” out of things or to not be “too sensitive”?
By asking yourself these inquiries in a loving, compassionate and authentic way, you will start to (or continue to) illuminate the “school for emotional learning” that you attended in your parent or guardian’s home in your formative years. This will increase your self-awareness as a person, as a potential soulmate partner, and even as a parent by maximizing your mindfulness of the messages you send or don’t send.
Know thyself. Dig deep. There is a well of self-knowledge to drink from, and we’re just getting started. Join me next week as we explore more about the Curse of the Good Girl and how it’s keeping your soulmate and the life of your dreams from you… and, of course, what to do about it.
It is no fun being a victim. I refuse to be helpless anymore.
I claim my own power. – Louise Hay
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