Do you know who your soulmate is? Do you know what he or she will feel like when you are with them?

Just like with any other area of your life, you need to be crystal clear to be able to be a magnet for what it is you want. Think about it- if you want are getting yourself ready to buy your dream car, you get a clear vision of the car you want, the ideal color, the make and model, and the performance…. and you get a clear FEELING of how it’s gonna feel when you are driving this dream car, right? And never mind that real-world ACTION you take to get that car, save your money, get your old car ready as a trade-in, drive to the dealership, etc.

It’s the same idea with attracting your soulmate. You must not be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling. You MUST create a vision and a feeling of who he is, how you feel when you’re with him, how HE’LL feel when he’s with you, and how is he going to fit into your vision of your dream life.

I’ve met so many people that just chafe against this idea. Over the years that Johnny and I have been teaching our Love Breakthrough Weekend Course (last one in 2012 is next week-why not join us?) and our Love Breakthrough TeleCourses, we’ve had many women come up to us telling us that they would like their soulmate, however they’re going to “leave that up to God” and that it’s all about timing.

Listen, you didn’t leave getting your college diploma “up to God”, did you? You don’t leave maintaining your vibrant health “up to God” and “timing” and then go out and eat a bunch of junk food everyday and don’t exercise, do you? If you have a business, try just doing nothing about it, aka “leaving it up to God”- and see how that works out for you.

Now, I’m not saying God doesn’t have a role in…like…EVERYTHING. What I AM saying is that you’ve been given free will to co-create your life with The Universe. You can sit back and wait, essentially relying on God as your errand boy to bring you what you want, and take no real-world action and make no internal changes…. and you’ll be waiting a long time for your soulmate, a long time for your business to grow, and a long time for your health to improve. A long time as in FOREVER.

What you want to do is co-create with God. Yep- what WORKS to attract the life of your dreams is to “Pray and move your feet”.

“When you do everything you can do, that’s when God will step in and do what you can’t do.”- Joel Osteen

When I was in my “preparation stage” for Johnny, I started to write out a list of the qualities and the values of my soulmate. I even wrote out what he looked like, but wasn’t attached to the looks aspect of him. I was more concerned with who he was and what he stood for. It took me 2 years of getting clearer and clearer about who my soulmate was and many many edits and refinements, but eventually my list was 12 pages long! YEP!

12 pages long, front and back pages. Detailed.

And you know what? Johnny matched about 98% of my list. And what about the other 2%, you may be wondering? Once I met Johnny, I realized how very little that 2% actually mattered to me.

Do you want to know how I even knew what to write down? Well, there’s a lot to this, but the key here is:

Accept the fact that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and it serves you. Yes- even that awful ex-boyfriend who broke your heart. He taught you something- you learned something from him. Maybe you learned what you DON’T want- that’s actually a good thing…. and I can promise you that there was a blessing in each and every one of your past relationships. Maybe you’ve never looked at it that way before. That’s okay. Start looking for the blessing in your past relationships no matter how awful the scenario. This will start to give you some MASSIVE CLUES as to WHO your soulmate is.

Yes, there’s GOLD and MAGIC in them there heartbreaks, dear lady.

For example, if you married a man who was unfaithful to you and you found out about it and it broke your heart and you were emotionally devastated by it, you just got a CLUE, an insight, about your soulmate and who he is and what kind of man he is!

What do I mean?

You see, your STRONG EMOTIONS (your “negative” and your “positive” strong emotions) tell you everything. Consider them guideposts for the life of your dreams that you are wanting to create. They tell you what your spirit truly wants and doesn’t want. And since your spirit is that spark of the Divine within you- it gives you clues as you move through your life about what- and who- to move away from and towards.

(Want to find out more? Join me next week in part 2 of this article)

P.S. 3 reasons why it’s never too late to attract your soulmate, even if you’ve almost given up on finding the love of your life!with Arielle Ford:
http://bit.ly/TheSoulmateSecret

P.P.S. If you’re a woman who has achieved success in a masculine paradigm but still feels something is “missing” in your happiness that you can’t quite put your finger on, you should know about a revolutionary FREE online event that’s happening May 10th. It’s called, Awakening Feminine Power: How to Break Through Your Inner Glass Ceiling: http://bit.ly/FemininePower

Last week, I shared with you the first 5 ways to slow down your path to love. I received so much amazing feedback and shares about your aha’s, so I’m super excited to share the last four “NOT-to-do’s”.

6. Leaky Energy (aka Friends With Benefits)
Are you one of those people that pride themselves on the fact that they have such great relationships with their ex’s? Are you friends with one or more people that you have had intimate relationships in the past? Do you still have people in your life that are “friends with benefits”?

If you have answered “yes” to any of the three questions above and you haven’t found your soul mate, you are suffering from “leaky energy”.

Leaky energy is where you have a life that is filled with ex’s and they drain your energy; worse still, they keep your soul mate away. When we maintain relationships with people who we have considered our partners it is impossible not to invest some degree of energy in these people. Yet these are the same people that for some reason or another, were not your soul mate when you were in a relationship and that you don’t have any intention in having another long-term relationship with.

Now I don’t care what you tell yourself and what you tell your friends; or what you tell potential partners. If you keep your ex’s around for any reason apart from legal ones (in the cases of shared custody for example) there is not a normal healthy man around who is going to accept your “friendship” with an ex.

Move on, allow yourself to feel what it feels like to be alone for awhile. It’s important to create that “vacuum” in your life, and allow a space for your sweetie to fill. Remember, the Universe abhors a vacuum.

7. Saying yes to a date just so you have a date
Just because a man asks you out does NOT mean you have to go out with him. Spend some time with yourself, do personal development and spiritual growth work to expand your vision about what’s possible for you in your life.

8. Trying to do it all on your own
Have you been trying to find your soulmate on your own for years now and it hasn’t happened yet? There’s more for you to learn- about yourself, about men, about life. Even if you’ve read all the books about how to find a man, there’s still more learning to do. This process is not a quick fix, magic pill type of thing.

We women learn more and go farther in community, with collaboration and cooperation. Isolation lowers your oxytocin, lowers your serotonin, (the “feel good” hormones in your brain) and ends up having women feeling bad about not being able to “do it all alone” as if there are extra points for suffering and doing it the long, hard way – or just NEVER meeting your soulmate because you didn’t get support.

In the 2 years before I met Johnny, I invested more time, energy and money in MYSELF. MY personal growth, MY spiritual development, MY personal power, and MY attraction to my soulmate – and I did a lot of it with other women. It was that kind of attention that allowed me step up in EVERY area of my life, and become the woman that could attract an amazing, loving, committed and wonderful man like Johnny- and then keep him.

Every successful LoveLaunch client that we’ve worked with did the same thing. There’s a pattern here.

9. Ignoring and not cultivating your personal power
If you are blaming the men you’ve dated for cheating on you, or if you keep saying that finding love is all just about luck, then you are constantly affirming your powerless-ness to the Universe and the Universe will respond in kind.

You may think you are “just stating facts” but as a spiritual teacher once told me “there are facts and there is the Truth”. The Truth is that you are a powerful woman who can create and attract the love of your life and the life of your dreams. (how, exactly? start by reviewing #s 1-8 of this list)

Here’s the solution: rise out of “victim consciousness” and start taking 100% responsibility for your life and your circumstances. Yep, YOU are responsible for your life. If you blame others or fate or God or the devil for your life, then you are giving your power away. A person who takes on a victim mindset does not live a wonderful life, full of joy and fulfillment. A victim invites drama after drama after drama into her life.

Write this out in your journal and say it aloud: “I, _____ (fill in your name), take 100% responsibility for my life and my circumstances. This means I now have the power to change my life and my circumstances for the better. I am grateful.”

You may not believe it yet, but that’s okay. Just make it your new mantra. Watch your life change. Rinse and repeat.

So now you know what NOT to do. Curious about the next step…what TO do? Begin by joining us for a free Love Training so you can learn how to Never Settle Again in Love.

P.S. Considering hosting a telesummit? Sage Lavine is doing a free webinar with Jeneth Blackert: 5 Keys to Successful Heart Based Telesummits here: http://bit.ly/WomenOnPurpose

While a lot of articles on finding love focus on what to do, there is a lot to be learned from what NOT to do. After 7 years of working with women to attract their soulmate, here are our insights on how spiritual, single, successful women undermine themselves and jeopardize their love life.

1. Not taking it seriously
Anything you value, you give time, energy, focus and money to. When you wanted to graduate from college, you invested time, energy and money in that process. You kept going even when you were discouraged, and when you were not doing well at a class, you sought more help in the form of a tutor, a study group, a mentor and probably all of the above.

Most people seem to know that if they need help in an area, like for instance, building a business, so they hire a business coach. Or if they need help getting clear on their purpose in life, they hire a life coach. Many people don’t know that they can hire a Love Coach and thereby accelerate their journey to finding the love of their life and then keeping him.

Remember, your business or career won’t keep you warm at night, and won’t take care of you when you get sick. Raise soulmate love up in your priority levels. Take it seriously. Get some expert support from someone who has done it.

2. Not having a plan
Just like building a business, you need to have a plan. Ask yourself: “Who do I have to BE in order to attract the love of my life?”

Not sure what I’m talking about? You need a plan. That’s where you could use support from someone who has consciously and intentionally attracted soulmate love to them… someone who didn’t rely on luck or chance.

3. Acting the fool on FB or Twitter
I’m all for authenticity and honesty, but if you’re having a bad day, please don’t use your FB or Twitter community as your personal therapist. Whining and complaining all of the time not only reflects badly on you, but robs you of your power. Your words matter. Watch what you put out there, you will surely get it back.

And if you have pictures of yourself in skimpy clothing with lots of cleavage showing, don’t get all bent out of shape if you get unwanted attention from creepy men. I know, this is a free country. Yes, you can wear whatever you want. But if you are dressing like this and don’t like the caliber of men you’re attracting, there may be a connection. In fact, I’m sure there is a connection.

4. Not respecting your boundaries (or even defining them in first place)
Boundaries are good. They let everyone know where they stand and are important to clarify for yourself BEFORE you go out on a date. Know your boundaries ahead of time. For example, if you have a personal history of sleeping with men too soon, one of your self-defined boundaries would be to wait at least ________(6 dates, or 3 weeks, or until commitment– you fill in what’s right for you).

Take 20 minutes and write out your personal boundaries that are important to you. This is not a list to share with anyone, this is for your eyes only. And then keep to them. The right man will respect you for them and honor them.

5. Gossiping or being negative
As the saying goes, if you can’t say anything kind, don’t say anything at all. It only reflects badly on you. Kindness rocks. ‘Nuff said.

So that’s the first five of what NOT to do. And join me next week as I reveal what else NOT to do….questions, comments? Feel free to post them below!

“The words you speak become the house you live in.”
― Hafiz

P.S. How would you like 6 weeks of empowering energy and inspiration to shift your life? Johnny and I are speaking in this cool event next week http://bit.ly/DivineLifeSummit.